You will find these kind of people. The ones that make you feel strung along for longer than it feels comfortable. Very possibly, never with bad intentions, we all have our doubts and fears when meeting someone new. But inevitably, at some point, one starts wondering, what is this about? Where do I stand for you in this? What’s the point of us here? Does this mean the same for you as it does for me?
And from there, it all can go awry. No one wants to be accused of playing games. No one likes to be called dishonest. No one feels inspired by the suspicion of not really knowing what are they doing or where are they going in their life. No one wants to be told off about their intentions, or lack of them. Some people just seem emotionally unavailable and hate, really hate, to talk about feelings or being hold accountable of their commitment to anything remotely similar to a relationship. And this is understandable, given the past experiences we all have…
In hindsight, I shouldn’t have pushed for so long, like if I was entitled to something, a prize of some sort. So stubborn and wrong. I shouldn’t have followed you to the middle of nowhere. I ended with my head full of false hopes. I shouldn’t have tested your patience. I really regret it, but my patience was also running out.
I should have given up as soon as I noticed something was off, an imbalance in the amount of effort and intentions, the increasingly obvious wall of misunderstandings between us… And just leave you quietly, at your own, with your mix of dreams, doubts and fears, none of which I could really help you with, as nothing I could say or do seemed ever enough. Feeling not enough for someone you care about, no one likes that either.
Maybe that way, I would still keep something I miss, your friendship.